Most extreme escalator challenge

I have a strange feeling many words have been written about this subject already, but I must succinctly add to the cacophony of dumbstruck voices.

When I see a man with six pack abs wearing a blue unitard boarding an escalator, my assumption is generally that he will make it to the top. He has the muscles to get him there and the tight clothing he needs to prevent snags.

This is why watching American Gladiators is so disappointing. When your competitors are too exhausted to run up a gently sloping travelator, it's time to come up with a new final act. There's no doubt that it's hilarious watching the pained expression on a grown man's face as he is gently laid to rest on a rubber mat after an agonizingly slow descent from a three-foot climb, but at the same time, it's sort of tough to swallow an ending where two physically fit contestants are defeated by the moving walkway we so often see children run across in the opposite direction at an airport.

The producers need to do something to give this at least the appearance of difficulty. I understand the contenders are tired after a grueling battery of tests against gladiators with giant tumors for limbs, but it just isn't satisfying. While I must admit that "travelator" sounds sort of like a vacation-bound Arnold Schwarzenegger and therefore kind of lends the event some action cred, I think in this case it's alright to force some company on well enough and make some changes. Let's at least douse the ropes in gasoline so when one of the competitors makes that shameful slide back down to the bottom, there's a chance the friction might cause the whole thing to light up.

Also, while I applaud the effort to more severely punish the competitors for not making it across the obstacles this season, a six-foot deep ball pit is somehow less terrifying than a wall of fire. These are two concepts that really don't gel all that well. For consistency's sake, you've got to go with one or the other.

I guess what we all need to take away from this is that if toddlers routinely use an element of your obstacle course, it probably won't look all that intimidating on television.